Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Winter Wish List

This Winter time I am really feeling excited about the future. I have found myself dreaming up some great new ideas and am really looking forward to spending some quality time with my kids. I enjoy writing lists. I have them scattered everywhere around my house in notebooks, post its, on the back of newsletters and envelopes. So here it is Winter 2012. 1. Visit Museum 2. Visit Library 3. See a Movie 4. Make Gingerbread 5. Go on a Nature Walk 6. Go Horseriding 7. Have a Bonfire night 8. Drink Hot Chocolate 9. Hang out with Friends 10. Build a Cubby 11. Make Cozy Pyjamas 12. Have a fun Sleepover 13. Eat Popcorn 14. Make paper Snowflakes 15. Eat healthy Soup 16. Spend time with Nanny 17. Visit Antique Shops 18. Drive in the Country 19. Visit a Winery 20. Get lost in a Maze

Friday, June 29, 2012

My Meloncholia

Since my last blog I have finally faced a huge issue that has been part of my life since I was a young woman. I live a life of polar opposites. On the outside I am a very strong, supportive, funny and loving friend. On the inside I fight an incredibly hard battle everyday. Depression to me is not something I can easily talk about. Allowing myself to feel vulnerable is so uncomfortable and even worse when I feel judged. I swing from servere anxiety and panic attacks to utter self loathing and suicidal thoughts. This is totally contradicted by my outgoing and happy exterior most of the people who know me are used to. Only recently has my husband become aware of much of the darkness that overwhelms me. More or less on a daily bases. It feels like a shamefull confession to admit this. And open myself up to whatever comes of this, however I feel that as certain areas of my life come to a head, I need this revelation to heal.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Rock out!

Three sick kids plus a stereo equals some funny times. This morning my poor little kids feeling quite sorry for themselves asked mummy to get some CDs out. Remember CDs  those silver and shinny disks that play music on a stereo. 
We chose one album for each to listen to so they could be rock stars. Complete with ukelele, spunky glasses and some weird and crazy outfit combinations. Anyway I feel such pride when my kids rock out at home,I simply can't help but rock out with them too. We listen to Jack Johnson Singalongs and Lulabies for the film Curious George nice sweet tunes for parents and kids alike, the classic JJ Cale which we got years ago from Urban Records. When Hayden was a toddler we were walking past the store in Leederville after dinner and he stopped walking and started dancing when he heard the music playing inside. We then bought the album for us to remember such a funny moment in his childhood. He really likes a loud rough guitar sound. And lastly The White Stripes self titled album. Oh yeah! All three kids rocked out! When Chalise was a baby and when I was pregnant with her she would always move around and dance to the white cute. She too likes loud and rocky music
It's crazy how fast you forget to play your CDs. Now I listen more to my downloaded music but it's just not the same an a full album screeching out of a tiny little kids cd player. So I am thinking of rediscovering my precious CDs and have a major dance around the kitchen. Come around and join me!

Monday, June 20, 2011


What Do I Want to be When I Grow Up

Some reflections on my journey so far.
 I want to be a devoted mother
I want to be a fierce friend
I want to be a loyal wife
I want to live an authentic life with my husband, children, family and friends.
As far as occupations go is still don't quite know. I have tried to study but found it to slow for an impatient mind like mine. I don't need instant gratification however its just that I pick things up quickly when I am interested and very slowly when I am not. I find it quite hard to articulate these skills when the exams come along. And become frustratingly disheartened when I don't line up to the standard I set for myself.
 I am more of an instinctual student and find when I follow them I end up in the right place. I just have to find out where that is. Any one know?
I have tried the corporate world, however didn't enjoy the dog eat dog style of environment it promotes, especially between women. And it's the same in the mind numbing world of retail. Tedious hours, falsely pretending you like customers who treat you with nothing but contempt and disrespect.
I love the thought of designing a fashion line but have always viewed my sewing as a labour of love and could never expect someone to pay for my work. Silly I know. Images of a struggling artist in revolutionary Paris come to mind.....Paris(sigh)
However a devoted mother yes. I treasure my younglings and do all that is energetically possible to help and guide them through life.
A fierce friend absolutely. Nothing else said, my circle would agree.
A loyal wife. Honestly you don't want to mess with me when it comes to my mister or my marriage. He knows it.
Hmm so where does that lead me? To be honest I don't know. But if I could get a job as a list writer/fashion designer/natropath. Throw in a bit of party planning, lots of free time and travel and you got me a job. Yeehaa!
So to my points above I can solemnly swear to do all and remember.
Be excellent to each other and party on bill!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Finding the Me in We

Exactly a year ago I started to write a journal for the first time in years. As a teenager I would fills journals/notepads every couple of months. It was the foundation of my very busy, overactive and highly emotional mind. Honestly I don't think I would be here today, a mother, a wife, a member of the community without my diarys. 
Around  the same time I was dealing with a lot of personal issues in health and in mind. I was in pain physically and emotionally and needed to pull back and refocus. Stuck in a blank and dark void. My thoughts were muddled and foggy and I wasn't able to think straight. I felt isolated and stranded without direction and nothing to look forward to.
Around that time  Mum had found a suitcase in the back of her shed filled with things from my past I hadn't thought of or needed in a very long time. Its funny when I look back at just how timely this discovery was. The universe thought I was ready to deal with this stuff. Old books and photos, some clothes and my old journals. This stirred a whole new range of emotions and inner turmoil on top of what I was feeling at the time. It just shock me to my core as I was facing the 16 year old girl I once was. She is someone with who I had completely lost touch with, someone barely recognised or remembered. I stared at the belongings of the case and very uncomfortably threw it into the back of my car, with much confusion and uneasiness, I took it home. 
There it sat in my garage urging me to veiw it's contents for days but I couldn't bare to look at it. It was my Achilles heel, a pain I couldnt deal with. Until I eventually drew breath and found the courage. Inside I faced this sad young woman who was very confused with life not all that different to the emotions i was dealing with again and just needed a big warm hug. I cried so much while reading the entries, the dreams, the poetry, the spells. It was sometimes very ugly and sometimes a joyful moment of beauty. But it was all mine. Only  mine and so very comforting to know that even today she still lives within me. I reconnected to me. I took the time to read though the collection of old memories and purged the darkest.
Around a year ago I was dealing with a lot of personal issues in health and in mind. I was in pain physically and emotionally and needed to pull back and and refocus. Mum had found a suitcase in the back of her shed filled with things from my past I hadn't thought of or needed in a very long time. Old books and photos, some clothes and my old journals. This stirred a whole new range of emotions and inner turmoil on top of what I was feeling at the time a just shock me to my core as I was facing the 16 year old girl I once was. She is someone with who I had completely lost touch with  most uncomfortable.
 I can still remember the hopes and dreams this fragile and clever young woman had for her future and I want to honour her by living the life she dreamed of for both of us. Time marches on every single day. We forget so quickly. But at this time in my early 30s I feel it's time to remember and get back in touch.
The only relationship I have been in my whole life that needs working on is my relationship with me. It the most important relationship I have. Losing the Me in the We happens so slowly you don't recognise it, sometimes you never do. But I know it's never to late. If journal writing was so therapeutic for me as a teenager then surely it would be just as therapeutic as a woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, creative and infinitely clever citizen. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Great Park Discoveries

On a cold wintery day my kids and I ventured outside. We were all rugged up and were on an adventure to a new park. Yippee! The energy was high and we were excited. We were going to meet our best mates Amanda, Emily and Sophie for morning tea. They discovered the park a while back and had described in detail all the fantastic climbing rope frames, different types of swings, an enormous jungle gym with lightning fast slides, cubby houses, a conveyer belt digging station... I could go on and on. We just had to go.
The weather was windy and cold but the playground was so much fun it didn't matter. I find the best way to warm up is a good game of hide and seek with a dash or swinging for good measure. I love pushing kids on swings and I love swinging on swings even more.
I am reasonably new to the Wanneroo districts. And I would never have found this park if it wasn't for Amanda's recommendation. I am grateful I did. And everyone in the northern suburbs should give Rotarty Park on Senic Drive Wanneroo a visit. I is well worth it. Even if you don't have kids you can bike around the lake and enjoy the bbqs.
There is a great website written by a family of park lovers who list all the great parks in Perth called If you are to like me and love discovering new places for a picnic and a play with the kids check it out. My other favourites are Fawlkner Park in Belmont, Jackadder Lake in Woodlands, Heathcote Reserve, Braithwaite Park in Mt Hawthorne and Sir James Macusker Park near us in Iluka. This weekend we will see you there.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Monday is Washing Day

It's old school I know to do your washing on a Monday but for my family it works. I am more energetic after chilling out over the weekend so I can cope with up to 20 loads of sorting, washing, hanging, folding, ironing and putting away. It's a major achievement for me and it starts me on the right track to accomplish the never ending tasks on my to do list.
After the mammoth effort of washing day I make sure I have a very hearty and nourishing pot of soup on. I love soup it's easy relatively mess free and you can mix anything together and it always tastes good.
Even in winter when it is incredibly cold out side I still manage to get my washing dry on the line. I seldom use my dryer unless it is an absolute emergency, otherwise I will do as mum did and have clothes hanging every wear around the house.
Lately I have returned to ironing my clothes. For years I have only ever bothered when either nessacery or when my washing basket is overflowing. Neither way really works because things get worn with being ironed or you forget what's hiding at the bottom of the basket. So armed with my ironing board on washing day I press, steam and starch my way to housewife front of the telly with a lovely ot cuppa.
Maybe I need to get out more or maybe it's not really that bad to do as nanna did and take a bit more pride in loving and keeping your house.